


the little death

by AbeTheDadtm



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbeTheDadtm/pseuds/AbeTheDadtm
Summary: Cali begins coughing up flowers, but how can she know if Jester is her soulmate?





	the little death

Cali had settled well into life in Port Damali. A friend of one of the people who helped her get out of the cult had a room for rent, and she found a job as a storekeeper in a small apothecary. She made a good living, saw lots of people, had lots of time to herself. With her pay, she managed to buy books and get drinks. She had a lot of fun in her new home, safe in the city, far from the influence of the Caustic Heart.

But she still missed Jester. And the others. But mostly Jester.

Aside from that, she was fine. Well, that and the occasional ache, usually somewhere in her body. She asked the apothecary what might be causing it. The old woman smiled.

“That’s your soulmate,” she said. “You share each other’s pain.”

“Oh,” said Cali. She rubbed her stomach. “I wonder why my soulmate would feel this way.”

“Your soulmate is probably some adventurer. Some handsome man, fighting the bad people and the creatures of this world.”

Her mind went to Jester for a moment, but no, it couldn’t be her. They were just friends.

“Maybe,” said Cali.

Late that night, she pored over her old letters from Jester, the messy cursive handwriting that covered pages of recollections of adventures, of talks about Fjord and Caleb and Nott (Jester had undone the lie with their first letter). She read about their adventures, the people they met, the battles they fought, the messes they got into. She read about Jester, her myriads of questions about what Cali liked, her favorite foods and colors, all the things she was doing in Port Damali. 

Then Cali felt the tickle in the back of her throat. 

She sat up, coughing. Something was in her throat, buried in the back of it. It was large, more than a piece of food that might’ve gotten stuck. In her fingers, covered in blood, was a white carnation. 

Without another thought, she gathered her coat, headed to the apothecary. She knocked on the door of the old woman’s apartment, clutching the flower in her hand. It was warm and sticky.

The old woman came down. “What is it, Calianna?” she asked.

Cali showed her the flower.

“Oh, you poor dear.” The old woman whisked her inside, brewed her some tea. She explained about the disease, the illness that made flowers grow in your lungs until it choked you. “It comes when the sufferer has unresolved feelings towards another,” she said. “What were you doing when you coughed up the first flower?”

“I was reading letters from my friend.”

With a smile and a raised eyebrow, the old woman tilted her head.

“It’s nothing, though. She’s just a friend.”

“Ah. A her.” She cleared her throat.“You should tell her. Tell her before it kills you. The only way to solve it is to tell. Tell or take a potion that removes all feelings towards the person, platonic or otherwise.”

“But what if she’s not my soulmate?” Cali asked.

The old woman sighed. “Then that potion may look awfully tempting.”

Cali shook her head. “No. Never. She’s my friend, and I would never want to lose that.”

“That’s what they all say. But then it almost kills them and they’re desperate. You wonder what all those coughing people are there for?”

“Oh.” Cali looked down at her hands.

“If you ever need it, tell me. Let me know. You’re a good girl. You don’t deserve to die.”

“Okay.” Cali took a deep, wheezy breath. “Thank you for the tea.” She stood.

“Be careful, dear girl,” said the old woman. “I’d hate to lose a good storekeeper.”  
\-----  
All that week, Cali dealt with the coughing and wheezing. She lied and told the customers she was sick. “It’s no problem, really. Nothing contagious. Just some coughing, is all.” She was able to hide the bloody flowers, conceal her condition.

It was only worsening.

The old woman pleaded for her to tell Jester her feelings. After a week of hacking, wheezing, and pain, she gave in. She wrote a letter for Cali, rushed to the postmaster.

They had a letter for her from Jester.

She opened and read it before she sent the letter.

“Dear Cali,   
Guess what happened?? I think Fjord is my soulmate!!! I got really bad chest pains and he started coughing up salt water (he does that sometimes don’t worry) and I think he’s the one! I’m going to tell him, wish me luck!”

The pain in her heart was worse than the pain in her chest. She took the letter back, along with hers, then penned a new letter.

“Dearest Jester,  
I’m so happy for you! Best of luck on it! I expect news about it soon!”  
\-----  
Cali’s illness progressed painfully. She grew weaker, the vines growing in her chest and choking the life out of her. All the while, she got news from Jester about how she and Fjord were dating. Every new letter broke her heart, but she played the part of the happy friend, lying about her illness and painting things as rosy and perfect.

After another month of this, she got another letter from Jester.

“Dear Cali,  
I think I’m sick. I am staying in Nicodranas with my mom. I’m worried about my health and I’m in a lot of pain. If you came here, it’d be a great comfort for me. I miss you so much.”

Cali immediately wrote a weak response.

“Dearest Jester,  
I’m on my way.”  
\-----  
“You don’t have to do this,” said the old woman as she packed some potions that would prolong Cali’s health, at least enough to make the journey to Nicodranas.

“She’s my friend,” said Cali. And I’m in love with her, she thought but didn’t say.

The old woman sighed. Before she wrapped up the bottles in their bag, she put in one more bottle. “This is the cure to your disease. I know you don’t want to take it, but it’s here, just in case.”

“Okay,” Cali said, looking at the small vial of purple liquid. But she couldn’t take it. She’d rather die than lose Jester, she decided.  
\-----  
The travel to Nicodranas took a long time. As Cali traveled, her pain got worse, and she could barely breathe. But she arrived at the Lavish Chateau, managed to ask the concierge for the little sapphire like Jester told her too, got whisked away by some servants to a huge bedroom filled with the Mighty Nein, and Jester in an expansive bed. Jester and Cali embraced tightly, but the tiefling heard her friend wheezing and asked, “Cali, are you alright? You sound like shit.”

“I’m fine, I’m…” She broke into a hacking cough, and another white carnation fell from her lips.

“Cali,” asked Caleb, “how long has this been going on?” He helped her to the bed. She was so weak, so tired.

“Over a month,” said Cali weakly.

“And you never told me?” asked Jester, clearly hurt. “Who is it towards?”

Cali shook her head. “I can’t say. It isn’t my soulmate.”

Jester suddenly got a look of realization. “Oh. Oh. It all makes sense.” Tears fell down her cheeks as she held Cali’s hand. “You’re in love with me. You’re my soulmate. The pain is in my lungs, Cali. The pain is coming from you.”

“But...Fjord…”

“We broke up last week. He found out Caleb was his soulmate.”

“Oh.” Cali smiled. “I...I love you, Jester.”

Cupping Cali’s cheeks in her hands, Jester said, “I love you, too.” They kissed gently in the dim candlelight of the room.


End file.
